Hiatus~ Finally a new update!

after slacking for around 3 months, it's finally time for a new post!

been pretty slack recently. everyday is about swimming and gymming and finding random short term jobs. this includes sitting at carparks for hours watching cars that goes by, conducting games for a family day, being a high class bangla for a day and selling laptops at NUS again.

selling laptops usually pay quite well, but as usual, conflicts are inevitable. wether it's misunderstandings or because people tend to have preconceived notions about one another, somehow things get ugly when it comes down to money especially if you don't know each other well enough. i think this time it was epsecially bad because half of the people were actually friends which naturally caused them to form 1 clique. it was only normal for the rest of us to form the other clique. oh whatever, it's not like we are going to see those barbaric people again. if they want to think badly of us, it's only because they don't even know us.

FOC is just around the corner and it's time for us to make our final preparations. need to gather even more manpower, settle our logistic needs and reallocate manpower. i really hope we manage to pull the monster hunt and mini o's off. we've put in many months of hard work for this. and freshie girls, please don't hate me if you think i've made it too scary. haha.

alrite that's all for now. cya!

Holidays! Reigning free

after months of suffering especially the period where the only meaning in life was to study for exams, it's finally the holidays!

well, i don't have any exciting plans to go overseas and i'll probably find a job. but the change of pace is much needed. i finally have time to sit down at starbucks and just chit chat with my friends and watch people walk by. for some reason, it's so crowded everywhere even on weekdays. isn't it the exam period for secondary school students? how come they are so free to go to town or gym or swim? it gets pretty uncomfortable when it's too crowded.

the weather this week has also been pretty downcast and gloomy. why is that the case during holidays? during the exam period it was scorching hot and it was impossible to make it to SRC for exams and stay dry. now, it's either raining or so cloudy, you know the rain is coming soon. hopefully the weather gets better over the next few days. i mean, there's only so much rain in the clouds right?

alright, that's all i have to say for now. until next time, cya!

Preparation: One week to exams!

yea, it's been a while since the last post but i've been pretty overwhelmed by school and stuff (as always). it's near the end of my 2nd semester here at ntu which means exams are around the corner!

i've been feeling pretty down for the past few days because i was thinking of stuff and don't really feel very confident for this semester (which sucks because things will only get harder). i don't really know why. i've been studying and really trying but my results don't seem to be showing it and all my group projects and written assignments are getting mediocre grades. i really don't know how i will do for the finals and i'm trying my best here to stay sane.

i think i might have turned into a real geek (is there such a thing as a stupid geek?) because i actually started feeling better when i started studying for OB. besides talking about organizational structure and team building, OB talks quite a bit about individuals' personality, emotions, motivations and perceptions and such. it made me realize i have been a little fatalistic recently. i decided i need create opportunities and outcomes for myself. sometimes it's worth taking a risk when what you might lose is little compared to what you might stand to gain.

haha. maybe i've really gone mad from mugging.

oh! and i've found my new favourite taiwan variety show (not exactly at the best of times. but well, need to stay sane amidst the mugging). it's 大學生了沒! i think the topics they discuss are pretty interesting and it really give perspective from people around my age. and it's not too gossipy like some other shows (shan't mention names in order not to be flamed by the fans)

alright, i better sleep early so i can wake up early and continue mugging (i'm going to use the textbook which i bought for $10. hahaha. that's another story i'm too lazy to tell.). hope i can keep the optimism up and go all out. cya!

Cogitating : Time simply flies by...

ok, i must apologize about the post that was supposed to precede this one but i really got carried away with the flow of things.

alright, you might be wondering what i was talking about. but of course i was talking about SP! yea, the rehearsals and dance practices were really tough but in the end we put up a good show! (at least in my humble opinion) i really enjoyed the time spent with the rest of the cast and crew. how many opportunities do you get to sit on the back of a lorry singing "i want it that way" at the top of your lungs with people you enjoy being with on the expressway and banglas on the next lorry are staring at you. some moments in life are just priceless.

honestly speaking i can never look at these people the same way again after seeing how crazy they can get when they are drunk. haha. i had a great time and i hope the rest felt the same way too. look foward to hanging out with them again (maybe after exams since all of us will be busy mugging the next few weeks.) joshua! you still owe me mac breakfast!

today has also been very entertaining by itself. woke up early for the 3km run in ntu today. i think it's a really long story that can only be fully narrated over a cup of coffee but the main point is that kahmin did something totally malu and we all know it.

it has been quite a mentally taxing week. it was e-learning week but i had a big AA102 quiz on wednesday so i was mugging hard for it. i really needed to take a break after that because i was really drained. so i have to spend my weekend watching e-lectures, doing tutorials. ok la, at least i got to go chill out a little just now.

after a few HTHT sessions recently i think my mood has definitely improved. (just don't remind me of the can 13 auntie with horrendous attitude problem. totally incorrigible.) i realized i need to start figuring out what i really want. i shouldn't just look ahead at what i'm aiming at but also remember to grab hold of what i have now. sound very profound right? haha. i just made that up a minute ago.

okok, got to go now. i'll leave you with the song that is really stuck in my head now. cya!

Reminiscence : Thinking back...

so much has happened in the past 2 weeks but today i really felt like all the time i've spent is really worth it...full post tomorrow...

Perseverance! 4 Day War.

well, all thanks to the CNY holidays, all my lectures and tutorials have been pushed into the remaining days of the week. yes, that included the 45 minute econs tutorial that totally wasted my saturday morning. and the next 4 days are not going to get much better.

i've got stats tutorial on monday, econs and accounting tutorials with quizes (total weightage for the modules of, like what, 5%? 10%? that's quite significant) back to back on tuesday and the HO closing which includes the dance competition. i have practically only tomorrow to rush through all my tutorials and study for the double quiz. not to mention the dance practice that will probably be happening for the next few nights. hopefully it doesn't go into 3+am every night because i really can't survive with less than 4 hours of sleep a night. no, in fact i'm going to make it a point to leave early if they are going to drag on and on. anyway i'm only dancing a small part. no point making myself so wasted and not be able to do anything at all. (including dance the next day) you could say, live to fight another day?

it's going to take a lot of mental strength to survive the next 4 days...thank God i managed to finish all my OB stuff today. that includes the CT assignment AND motivation rating due on monday AND the teamwork assessment rubric due on tuesday. like wth? my whole day was burnt watching the econs lecture and submitting all my OB assignments.

perhaps it's time to get a new phone. the price for one of the phones i've been eyeing has finally dropped and my broken phone has some metal part which sticks out which i think will damage the pockets in my berms and jeans soon. the only thing i'm worried about is the shop refusing to accept my phone for trade-in because the exterior is broken (and it's pretty obvious). hmm...after that i'd be quite broke. i still haven't figured out wether i can get a job in the looooong break after my exams because we still have to plan for the FOC and prepare for senior camp and the actual camp. oh yes, that reminds me, i need to call the lady from SLA soon. oh no but i'm going to busy till after wednesday....

oh and i went down to the phiten shop at tampines one yesterday. the service was really bad. i remember seeing 2 different models for bracelets on their website (the singapore official distributor's site) but there was only 1 at the store. so i asked the shop assistant and he simply insisted there's only 1 model. ok, never mind, i refuse to argue with him. so i continued looking but obviously the guy had no intention of recommending any other products or do any form of sales at all, i got fed up and just walked out. maybe i'll give it one more chance if i have the time to drop by marina square. well, that definitely won't be this weekend.

maybe it's just me or are people nowadays having worse and worse attitude? is there some attitude problem epidemic or something? just the other day i was at the gym in school and i was resting between sets. this guy came over and wanted to borrow the weights i was using. his tone didn't sound very polite but i said ok. then when i finished up my last set, i told him i was done and he could have the weights and he just kind of grunted. annoying guy. and he was wearing a singlet even though the rule at the gym explicitly said sleeved tees only. some people just don't know how to read simple english.

oh man, got to beat the stress.....i have absolutely no free time for myself. it's either studying, doing tutorials or doing something for hall. hall, hall, hall. i spend so much time, put in so much effort for hall. for what? i don't really feel appreciated and i don't see my efforts paying off in any way and i still feel excluded at times. sometimes i wonder to myself if it's worth the effort. i don't mind contributing but somehow i only see myself giving? i don't even know if people actually see me as a teammate. yea maybe i'm not good enough and pretty redundant but hey at least i make an effort to turn up for trainings and such? am i asking for too much? bah, who am i kidding. they probably wouldn't care even if i wasn't there.

time to sleep so i can wake up earlier tomorrow and try to finish at least all my tutorials by the afternoon. tsk. bye.

Justice: Distributive, procedural or interactional? How about non-existent?

the second day if CNY is already over and honestly it's really uneventful. i mean, i didn't even expect much in the first place but this really...bleh.

alright, on cny eve went for reunion dinner. went home. watched sunadokei (a.k.a sand chronicles), which was recommended by shuyi, on mio tv. yesterday was the 1st day of CNY which also happened to be valentines day this year. not much difference since i don't have anyone to go out with anyway. quite a few relatives came over in the day and we went out to visit a few in the evening. nobody came to my place today and i went out to like 3 relatives' place in the late afternoon till late. really boring. no cards, no mahjong, no nothing but diabetic drinks and some snacks to go along. and our plans originally to visit xueling's house tomorrow apparently has been cancelled due to the non-response from the rest of the crew. bleh~ guess i'll hit the gym or go shopping or something.

since there wasn't much happening, i spent quite a bit of time watching Kamen Rider Hibiki. it's the series from '05 - '06, after Blade and before Kabuto. you could say it's the "missing series" because central/okto decided to totally skip the series so the mainstream audience here won't really know about it. i've heard a lot about it being very different from the typical kamen rider series and after finally watching it i would agree. it's not something the masses, especially the kids who watch "super hero time", would be able to appreciate. however, i personally find that it has a very unique flavour and could be one of the most underrated kamen rider series. honestly i think kiva and kabuto was a little overrated. i think the design of the riders and the cast are better than many recent series, especially when it comes to the casting of female characters. i mean, akiko from W really makes too much noise and going around hitting people with her cheap green slippers isn't going to score her any extra brownie points. and it's also nice to have a more mature kamen rider rather than all those pretty boys (are they, really?) who look like they'll break like twigs. (*ahem* wataru. *ahem* ryoutarou). it kinda sucks to be saved by the likes of those riders. it's quite a shame the production team was replaced halfway. i'm not sure about the new direction since i haven't gotten that far. well, i doubt we'll be getting such a different experience from kamen riders in the near future since toy sales weren't that good, probably due to kids not really getting the story. and, trust me, toy sales is pretty much what they're concerned with. i'm really tempted to hunt down the S.I.C hibiki (Vol. 32. Hibiki/Armed Hibiki) but it's pretty old and hard to find. (which reminds me, there hasn't been that many updates for my side project. well, i'll get back to it once my printer has colour ink again so i can produce more props.)

ah, it sucks to have to use a broken phone. i mean it still works, but it's broken. i always take care of belongings to make sure they are in a good condition but it happens that when i lend people my stuff, they tend to come back spoilt. quite often. i remember my external hard disk and various other occassions caused by various people. not only does it suck to use a broken phone, since the damage is external, i don't even know if i can still trade in my phone when i get a new phone. major bummer. the net realizable value of my phone has practically dropped from $200 to $0. shit happens.

since i'm on that note, it seems shitty things don't come alone. well...it's this and that. various things that don't seem to go my way. i'm just constantly being reminded that my efforts tend to be wasted. and somehow, more often than not, i'm feeling very excluded. especially since i see strong bonds being formed by people around me. it's really complicated when people you want to bond with are kind of mixed up with people you don't really want to (i.e. people you don't like). and sometimes it's just total exclusion. or you're only included so you can be made to do something that has to be done but the rest of the people don't want to. which is worse? i don't really know. but, anyway, i'm in all of the above situations. it just feels like everything is so superficial, nothing is real. i'm just the one who's just there when it's convenient but just some extra person when i'm not needed. i don't really know what's the problem. am i being too easy? am i too difficult to get along with? maybe it's just my weak nature and being too easy to manipulate. i feel like a plastic fork. use it when you need it, throw it away when you're done. yeah, most of the time i just play along because i stupidly believe in other people too easily. i guess it's true, "you can't be so trusting in a world like this." the lines from my script suddenly has a resounding truth to it.

maybe this explains my singlehood for the past 21 (coming 22) years. my weak nature and lack of character. i'm just too "average". and i guess i'm too picky for my own good and not brave enough to make it happen when i finally find one. maybe my interests are too obscure and the things i'm good at aren't really appreciated and i don't any chances to show them off either. it may not even be worth anything when compared to others in the first place. i can't help it but things around me keep reminding me of my weaknesses and a shroud of inferiority looms over me. sometimes i try to forget about all the negative thoughts by only focusing on the positive things but inevitably, they tend to come back and bite me in the ass from time to time. and when they bite, they bite back hard. whiny guys who tend to emo once in a while, wallowing in self-pity don't really appeal to most girls i guess.

hmm...kind of out of topic, i've been thinking of getting something from phiten cause it supposedly helps in muscle recovery. but i don't really like the sports necklace. maybe i'll get a bracelet or something. i'll probably drop by the store at marina square to check out some of the products.

oh well, i guess in this post there was some sort of explanation of why i'm kinda moody lately. i can't really help it. it's tough to coax myself into feeling happy when i'm being bogged down by so many insecurities and troubles at once. each time i go to bed hoping that they will go away in the morning. but they don't. well, it's time for me to try it again. so...good night. until next time...

Festivity! CNY is around the corner! But...

CNY is around the corner and things are starting to get busy. besides the shopping that has been done or needs to be done, assignments and quizes are approaching!

OB is really a troublesome module which rears it's ugly head at least once a week. my tutor is the type that might get a little uptight at times and some people might not like her style but so far i'm really quite ok with it. the first peer evaluation is coming up and is due on the 16th, that's like right after the CNY holidays. not to mention the critical thinking assessment that's due on the 22nd. it may seem like a simple assignment but i think there's a lot more skill involved than meets the eye. and i've barely started on it. i better start writing something this week.

well, at least the accounting II assignment is a group project which we are going to work on this week. hmm...i think stats has a project as well but i'm not so sure about wether the question is even out yet. i guess i need to check it out.

in addition, the hall olympiad closing is coming in like 3 week's time and we still need lots of practice for the dance competition and there's really not enough time. not to mention we still got 2 hockey games to play.

ok, as promised last week, here's a preview of some of my CNY hoots!

my reverse tip Fred Perry polo! notice that the tips on each side are reversed. same goes for the sleeves but you can't see from the picture

my new pair of onitsuka tiger for the year of the tiger! this is a pair of Ultimate81 which is pretty hard to come by in singapore so i don't think i'll need to worry much that i'll bump into someone with the same shoes as me. (most OT's you see around are Mexico66) notice the gold stripe and the gold part at the back. i'm lovin it!

oh yea, in case you were wonndering, i ordered both the polo and my shoes from zappos. there's no need to worry about authenticity when ordering from a reliable website. (zappos is owned by amazon.com) remember! always order from reliable sites when you worry that you might get scammed into buying fakes.

hmm...remember the drawing of the running shorts i was looking for? good news is, i found it at the haven of all things sports related, Queensway! the things is, i realized my drawing might have been a little off. haha, anyway, here's the picture of the said running shorts.

yup, i guess i need to work on my drawing skills a bit more.

i've been having a rash on my arm which has been pretty annoying. but i've just got a cream today and hopefully it will go away soon. it has tea tree oil and aloe vera in it. i always trust products with aloe in it. haha.

yawnz, alright, i better go to bed now. lessons at 1030 tomorrow and i've got the little gathering going on at night. but the tough part is getting back either tomorrow night (it might be late) or on tuesday morning (i've got 0830 lessons!). yikes! i guess i'll worry about that tomorrow. alright, until next time, cya!

Positively! Weekends really are the best.

i don't care if monday's blue

tuesday's grey and wednesday too

thursday, i don't care about you

it's friday, i'm in love!

...

...and then it's saturday and sunday! weekends are the time when we can take that short break from all the business in our lives. it's when we really are living ain't it? haha. wether we are working or studying, everybody looks foward to the weekends. (well, most of us anyway)

honestly weekdays haven't been that bad recently (better enjoy it while it lasts), but weekends are still definitely better. sleeping in, eating breakfast at home, gym, run. just some of the things that make weekends, weekends. (okok, i know i gym and run on weekdays also but i still prefer to go hg gym and meet up with my buddies there. school gym....ok la i only know a few people whom i bump into occassionally)

speaking of which, i desperately need new shorts to wear to the gym! i simply don't have enough to keep up with my training schedule! really need to make that trip to queensway soon.

the shorts i'm looking for (picture drawn completely from my memory)

if anyone happens to see this in M size please tell me ok? for some reason it's really hard to find. (argh, robinson's why don't you restock)

i realized i've been too slack with my running recently so i decided to increase the intensity! got to watch out for my diet as well. i've just learnt that fruit juice may not be that good for you. no more fruit juice! no more supper! rawr! and i also decided to focus a bit more on training my deltoids! it's one of the most neglected and underrated muscle groups. time to throw in more exercises which involve my delts from now on.

got to remind myself to stick to my new year's resolution to be brave. be more daring and forthcoming. i don't think there's much to lose.

oh ya! h00ts for CNY have arrived! i'll probably do a short feature on my next post. kind of like a preview of sorts? haha.

okok, time to go. got to watch the stats e-lecture tomorrow morning then go to the gym in the afternoon. that's all for now, cya~

Shopping: Should be made an olympic sport

yup, that's right. man, maybe i'm getting old but recently shopping around in town has been pretty tiring. well, maybe it's because i walk from dhoby ghaut all the way down to far east and back. but, hey, you got to check everything out to make sure you don't miss out anything right? or it could be that with the numerous new malls popping up there's just so much more to cover.

exploring ION is really an ardous task. i only visit the basement levels because the stuff in the boutiques upstairs is probably out of my budget. even so, there's so much to see. i can't even start naming the shops. there's also lots of food at the bottom floor. hmm..honestly 313 only has uniqlo (you don't expect me to go to forever 21 right?) orchard central is another headache altogether due to the horribly spaced out and confusing lay out. i would avoid that place unless i really had to do otherwise.

my efforts have been pretty futile for the past 2 weeks. i actually found the adidas shorts i wanted at robinson's but they didn't have my size (the ones left were too big). it was pretty disappointing because they were on sale too. after that, i've been to every adidas store and anywhere selling adidas that i came across but to no avail. maybe i should make a trip to queensway soon. tough luck with my jump rope too. i'm trying to find the weighted everlast rope. i found it on ebay but the price with shipping was a little too much. if anyone happen to see the item below in stores please let me know.

WANTED:

i did managed to order a pair of shoes and a polo tee online though. you might think "oh yea, why don't you just shop online?" online shopping has it's own sets of problems. i got kind of paranoid over the idea that i might get the wrong sizes so i actually went to the shops to try the sizing before ordering online. so it's actually kinda like double the work. but the savings are really quite significant.

even then, there are stuff i can't find even online. i've been trying to find a nice pair of berms but to no avail. for some reason it's really overpriced. of course there are cheap options but the quality is like meh. then those with slightly better quality are really overpriced. i guess i'll have to look harder.

aside from shopping, it has been the first week of school. no tutorials, just lectures. i tried my best not to fall asleep but ended up kinda dazed for most of the lectures (except accounting II. the lecturer was pretty funny). tutorials are starting next week. 1st tutorials are really important. if you start off on the wrong note. that's it. well, i did managed to get the elusive HMJ1 elective (Japanese level 1) pretty easily. i guess it was a stroke of luck. but i've been camping for a slot to index 00567 for OB but still haven't managed to get it. c'mon, someone change out of the class already.

i've been swimming a bit other than just gymming so i think i got a tad darker. but for some reason my tan line hasn't totally gone away. hopefully, with more sun it will go away soon.

as you can tell time is a resource that really isn't enough for me. i got a little sick last week and was in bed whenever i could. that really sucks. i think my room in hall needs a little more ventilation but ed (who's my roomie for those of you who don't know) refuses to open the windows. i don't care already, i'm going to open them anyway. i mean it ok when the air-con is on but when it's not even if the fan is at full blast it's still kinda stuffy. i mean it's common sense right? anyway, from now on, i really need to do my tutorials fast during weekdays so i can enjoy my weekends. saturdays for swimming and shopping, sundays for gymming and chillaxing. haha.

alright time for lunch and then i'll be heading to the gym later. cya! ;)

Acquiescence: It's the last week of holidays!

here i am sitting in my chair only to realize it's the very last week of the holidays! i've never been the type who dreaded the starting of a new school semester. you could say i'm the type who hold mixed feelings towards it. i mean, although there's going to be schoolwork and mugging and group projects and stuff, it also marks a new beginning.

i think it's important to start off well. it's during the first week that you'll get to meet new classmates and start to form your groups for projects and stuff. if you happen to group with freeloaders or totally useless members you're pretty screwed and it will take immense effort to salvage the situation. aha, but be careful. if you start the term with the impression that everyone starts on a clean slate and are on a level playing field you are so wrong. i've seen people mugging for modules they will be taking in the next semester during the holidays. yes, even though they have no lives they have definitely spoiled the market.

rather than focusing on the eternal conflict between anticipation and apprehension, i've decided to enjoy myself thoroughly this last week of the holidays. gonna take some time off to really relax before the semester begins. if i keep up with the constant buzzing of business i'll probably go mad. time at the gym also helps to relax the mind in a tantric kind of way and somehow the soreness in your body actually feels pretty good. probably because it's voluntary. which reminds me, i need to take my damned IPPT within the next 5 months. i think my jumping needs some work. don't know if skipping will help but skipping is a really good exercise. i think i should invest in a good jump rope. with all the post-christmas sales going about perhaps it would be a good time to pick one up along with a new pair of running shorts which i need.

.

which reminds me,it's time to upgrade my handphone! hmm...it's quite a tough choice. honestly i'm not an iphone kind of person and it's seriously way too overpriced considering it's hardware specifications. it's kind of like paying the price of a pistol to get a nerf gun. you get what i mean? well, the first one that really caught my eyes was...

...the HTC HD2! with it's extra large display running on winmo powered by a whopping 1ghz snapdragon processor it really made a striking impression even though i'm not a techie. i even placed a pre-order but ultimately the price singtel offered was way too expensive. i mean it's good but it's still way too expensive. starhub gave a really good deal but too bad i'm still tied down by the red camp.

ok, then i went around looking for the next best option so i considered....

...SE Satio. the 12mp camera is really an upgrade from my c905 which has an 8mp camera (it's actually quite good already). but there are a few factors which is making me a little hesitant to get this. first it's running on the SE interface which has proved to have many limitations and lacks threaded messaging (c'mon all new phones nowadays have threaded view. what were you thinking SE?) also, despite the very sleek looking back view of the phone with the camera lens cover and everything, the phone somehow gives a very plastic feel when i held it in my hand for some reason. well, good news is that according to joseph, after updating the firmware the interface is no longer laggy (i was really quite astounded by the lag when trying out the live sets at the telco shops). i guess i'll keep this in consideration because i've seen a piece of the future....

...the SE X2! *drools* okok, the hardware may not be as power as HD2 but the design is definitely one of the best around. and it has mutliple input options. besides the slide out qwerty keyboard and optical trackpad, it also features a resistive touchscreen with handwriting recognition and also virtual qwerty keyboard. as with the X1, it packs a stylus on board. running on winmo 6.5 and equipped with a 8mp camera you could say it's the ideal combination? i'll really have to wait for the official release before i make my mind. SE, when is this shipping out? hopefully the pricing will be more resonable as compared to the HD2. there's hope because the X10 will also be released soon and that will probably be matching the HD2 in terms of price since it's like SE's offering of the HD2 running on android (powered by the same snapdragon processor). i've just got to hope singtel doesn't screw me over again.

ah, time flies when drooling over sleek handheld devices. it's time to go! until next time, cya guys!

2010! New year new beginnings

alright! it's a new year! hmm...before i touch on the future, perhaps a little retrospection would be good...

2009 was a really busy year and a lot of great things happened but overall it wasn't that fantastic. had lots of great times with my colleagues from starhub as well as the trip to australia with my primary school clique. not to mention my 21st birthday which many of my wonderful friends made really memorable just by turning up (even those who turned up late. i really appreciate the effort). 2009 also marked the biginning of my uni life. but what really marred the year were the continuous setbacks. things have been pretty rough this year. tough situations and tough people just keep coming. even right now i'm still being plagued by these haunting circumstances.

some people are born exuding an aura of annoyance but the thing is they don't realize it. unfortunately for me i just have to tolerate their lack of EQ. but my tolerance is reaching it's limits soon. also, apparently continuous effort and earnestness isn't really appreciated around these parts of the world. trust me, the number 1 lesson i've learnt from 2009 is never to expect an outcome proportionate to the effort you put in. whoever has been telling you otherwise has been lying through their teeth.

ok, never mind. let's forget about the unhappy past. what's most important is we learn from experience and become wiser.

what's a new year without new year resolutions right? my new year resolution is....to become braver. i've been told that it's quite an unusual new year resolution. it may sound simple but bravery covers many different aspects.

1. to dare to stand up to unreasonable (and irritating) people
2. to dare to fight for my own rights and make my own stand
3. to dare to be less dependent
4. to dare to try new things and get new experiences
5. to dare to beat the system

these are just a few examples but it really covers a very wide range of aspects. i feel like somehow in the past year i've let myself revolve around the situations and circumstances that have been happening. it's time for change. i'm going to take back control of my life. i should be at the centre and the rest should revolve around me. time to take a step foward. those people who have been taking me for granted should just look out. you've had your chance with the docile side of me. there's only so much bull i can take so i'm going to be hitting back. and i'll be hitting back hard.

at this juncture i find that it may be appropriate to address this to whomever it may concern (i'll relay the message personally anyway): i'm quiting hall cheerleading! i gave it a shot but i really find it to be unsuitable for me. first, the scheduling is always last minute and random. not to mention the lack of meal times. (the timings are just plain bad) and about trainings in the day time, most people have other commitments that they would actually have higher priority like training for sports. and the person who's supposed to take charge isn't even serious about this. c'mon if you want us to turn up, you got to turn up. you are obligated to do so. also, we don't even have a first aid kit nearby. cheerleading is a high risk activity. any injury i've sustained in a single training session has been more serious than all my softball and hockey trainings combined. and it leaves me so battered i can't even go to the gym! my neck is still injured such that it hurts when i turn my head. enough is enough. i'm not willing to put my health at stake for nothing. seriously there's little incentive (if any) for me to continue. i quit.

that's just the first step to the new me. so whoever else it is, watch out because i'm going to get in your face if you keep it up and take me for granted.

maybe i'm getting a little angsty but this whirlwind of involuntary activities has really been disrupting my gym sessions. it doesn't help that the gym closes early on holiday eves and public holidays (like today). it has been ultra annoying these 2 weeks because of this. well, it's not necessarily a bad thing. at least i've managed to get my thoughts sorted out and i'm liking my shiny new attitude. tougher and better. so to all you muthaf**kers out there, stop wasting my time.

to end this off, i'll leave you guys with my song of the moment. enjoy!