the second day if CNY is already over and honestly it's really uneventful. i mean, i didn't even expect much in the first place but this really...bleh.
alright, on cny eve went for reunion dinner. went home. watched sunadokei (a.k.a sand chronicles), which was recommended by shuyi, on mio tv. yesterday was the 1st day of CNY which also happened to be valentines day this year. not much difference since i don't have anyone to go out with anyway. quite a few relatives came over in the day and we went out to visit a few in the evening. nobody came to my place today and i went out to like 3 relatives' place in the late afternoon till late. really boring. no cards, no mahjong, no nothing but diabetic drinks and some snacks to go along. and our plans originally to visit xueling's house tomorrow apparently has been cancelled due to the non-response from the rest of the crew. bleh~ guess i'll hit the gym or go shopping or something.
since there wasn't much happening, i spent quite a bit of time watching Kamen Rider Hibiki. it's the series from '05 - '06, after Blade and before Kabuto. you could say it's the "missing series" because central/okto decided to totally skip the series so the mainstream audience here won't really know about it. i've heard a lot about it being very different from the typical kamen rider series and after finally watching it i would agree. it's not something the masses, especially the kids who watch "super hero time", would be able to appreciate. however, i personally find that it has a very unique flavour and could be one of the most underrated kamen rider series. honestly i think kiva and kabuto was a little overrated. i think the design of the riders and the cast are better than many recent series, especially when it comes to the casting of female characters. i mean, akiko from W really makes too much noise and going around hitting people with her cheap green slippers isn't going to score her any extra brownie points. and it's also nice to have a more mature kamen rider rather than all those pretty boys (are they, really?) who look like they'll break like twigs. (*ahem* wataru. *ahem* ryoutarou). it kinda sucks to be saved by the likes of those riders. it's quite a shame the production team was replaced halfway. i'm not sure about the new direction since i haven't gotten that far. well, i doubt we'll be getting such a different experience from kamen riders in the near future since toy sales weren't that good, probably due to kids not really getting the story. and, trust me, toy sales is pretty much what they're concerned with. i'm really tempted to hunt down the S.I.C hibiki (Vol. 32. Hibiki/Armed Hibiki) but it's pretty old and hard to find. (which reminds me, there hasn't been that many updates for my side project. well, i'll get back to it once my printer has colour ink again so i can produce more props.)
ah, it sucks to have to use a broken phone. i mean it still works, but it's broken. i always take care of belongings to make sure they are in a good condition but it happens that when i lend people my stuff, they tend to come back spoilt. quite often. i remember my external hard disk and various other occassions caused by various people. not only does it suck to use a broken phone, since the damage is external, i don't even know if i can still trade in my phone when i get a new phone. major bummer. the net realizable value of my phone has practically dropped from $200 to $0. shit happens.
since i'm on that note, it seems shitty things don't come alone. well...it's this and that. various things that don't seem to go my way. i'm just constantly being reminded that my efforts tend to be wasted. and somehow, more often than not, i'm feeling very excluded. especially since i see strong bonds being formed by people around me. it's really complicated when people you want to bond with are kind of mixed up with people you don't really want to (i.e. people you don't like). and sometimes it's just total exclusion. or you're only included so you can be made to do something that has to be done but the rest of the people don't want to. which is worse? i don't really know. but, anyway, i'm in all of the above situations. it just feels like everything is so superficial, nothing is real. i'm just the one who's just there when it's convenient but just some extra person when i'm not needed. i don't really know what's the problem. am i being too easy? am i too difficult to get along with? maybe it's just my weak nature and being too easy to manipulate. i feel like a plastic fork. use it when you need it, throw it away when you're done. yeah, most of the time i just play along because i stupidly believe in other people too easily. i guess it's true, "you can't be so trusting in a world like this." the lines from my script suddenly has a resounding truth to it.
maybe this explains my singlehood for the past 21 (coming 22) years. my weak nature and lack of character. i'm just too "average". and i guess i'm too picky for my own good and not brave enough to make it happen when i finally find one. maybe my interests are too obscure and the things i'm good at aren't really appreciated and i don't any chances to show them off either. it may not even be worth anything when compared to others in the first place. i can't help it but things around me keep reminding me of my weaknesses and a shroud of inferiority looms over me. sometimes i try to forget about all the negative thoughts by only focusing on the positive things but inevitably, they tend to come back and bite me in the ass from time to time. and when they bite, they bite back hard. whiny guys who tend to emo once in a while, wallowing in self-pity don't really appeal to most girls i guess.
hmm...kind of out of topic, i've been thinking of getting something from phiten cause it supposedly helps in muscle recovery. but i don't really like the sports necklace. maybe i'll get a bracelet or something. i'll probably drop by the store at marina square to check out some of the products.
oh well, i guess in this post there was some sort of explanation of why i'm kinda moody lately. i can't really help it. it's tough to coax myself into feeling happy when i'm being bogged down by so many insecurities and troubles at once. each time i go to bed hoping that they will go away in the morning. but they don't. well, it's time for me to try it again. so...good night. until next time...
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