Back! With some ranting to be done...

hi! i'm back after a long hiatus! what have i been up to? well, busy with life.

my job mainly attributed to my lack of time to update this page. the pay is slightly lower than my previous job (end of last year) but the work is not as dry and boring. i get to talk to people occasionally instead of just archiving documents. my colleagues are an interesting bunch, with some more "interesting" than others. we really don't mean to be nasty to anyone but sometimes......certain people bug us. a lot.

things also seem to be going well at the gym. i think the training has been helping. guess i got a little stronger? but i'm still pretty weak. also getting to know more friends at the gym which is a good thing. definitely makes it more enjoyable (and safer) to train. hmm...i think i kind of hurt my wrist this week. it hurts when i bend it. hope it gets better soon. i really enjoy my time with them. hope we don't drift apart after uni starts.

sigh, but not everything has been going smooth. recently somebody i'm close to (and meet practically everyday) was having some mood swing of sorts. the person seems troubled but when i ask what's wrong the person will say "nothing" or "just tired". then when talk also give me attitude. in front of other people still pretend to be a bit more normal, but when it's just two of us, sometimes totally just give black face, don't talk, play with handphone. it's very agonizing for me. i'm not sure what's going through this person's mind, so i won't know how to help and i just endured this person's antics. but ok, being the kind of friend i am, i just take it as lightly as i can and try to keep the good spirits up. then after this person's computer got fixed, the person suddenly became more cheerful. (don't tell me the computer was the cause of all the emo-ness, moodiness, mood swings, bad attitude and such...) ok, that's good. i also feel happy for this person.

today was also another disappointment. i suddenly had a very strong urge to go club. (i haven't gone for months) so i started asking my friends. and i got rejected. i practically asked everyone i know. primary school friends, secondary school, jc, ns, gym. but nope. some were busy. some were kind of interested but i just couldn't find more people from that group. some just got home and were tired. some just turned me down flatly. i mean maybe it's the activity? but probably not because the same thing happens whenever i try to ask people out. dinner, movie, or whatever. i'm sure some of you had received my random messages and calls. do i really have anyone to count on? when people ask me to go out, i'm usually "on". even when i say "see first" which usually means "no, i'm not going to be there" for most people, there's still a high chance i will still go. so how come when i try to get people to go out, people generally don't want to go out with me? am i such a big turn off? as evidence that this is not the first time, please read my post from december as evidence that similar cases have happened. maybe i should just give up.

another disappointing thing i realized. the person (who's supposed to be back to normal now) does not seem keen on trying to make any effort when i tried to discuss my problems. the person keeps giving half-hearted comments which aren't very constructive and just say for the sake of saying. i thought i could discuss my frustrations with this person and be understood. but i'm not sure why. this person has changed? i have changed? don't seem to understand each other anymore. what's going on?

another person i was talking to said it would be better when i find a girlfriend. yup. i think so too. i think i'm the kind who likes having someone to spend time with. i don't think i'll mind if she's a little sticky (as long as she can give me a little personal time like gym time). the sad thing is, where am i supposed to find? don't know why i'm so picky also. and so far everytime i tried, i will get rejected. (maybe it's just my fate to get rejected by girls and by my friends?)

going on austrailia trip soon. i really really wanted to go tokyo instead but well, someone in the group just went japan recently and didn't really seemed keen. being the kind of complying person i am, just went along even though i'd really love to go japan with the money instead (i don't mind going for a shorter trip). at first we started with 5 ppl. then slowly left with 3 ppl. i knew that if i pulled out the trip would've probably been cancelled. well now we managed to get 1 more person not from the original group. it's a self-funded trip so i'm going to be very very very broke.

maybe i'm just too complying for my own good? because i don't want other people to be disappointed, i just want them to be happy, sometimes i just overlook my own interests. then when i look back, sometimes i will regret and ask myself why am i so foolish. so am i supposed to say "no"? because of my complying quality, some people might see me as "without a mind of my own" or "unable to make decisions". i guess it's a turn off for girls huh? but normally when i voice out my opinions like when i say "i'd prefer not to eat fast food" people will say i'm very picky and hard to please. can someone please explain which is it? i seriously hope people aren't just putting the blame on me because it's convenient to do so. i'm a simple guy and i'll just take it that i'm in the wrong most of the time. please don't abuse me. because when i realize that i've been played...........i'll flip. and it will get nasty.

i'm still in a state of confusion but as i go i'd like to share a song somebody just shared with me. it's a very nice song (and the singer is very pretty). enjoy and bye!